You Think You KNow...

11:04am: baby-drama
So this is yet another weekend, where Harry is working and I am alone...sigh the story of my life... On Friday I did get a chance to get out of the house and I went to see a movie with Krystina, Boris and Anthony. We saw "Meet the Spartans"...wow, wtf did I just see?! Lol

Anyway, Boris invited me to go skiing with him today but unfortunately I totally forgot that this weekend is my parents' 30th anniversary...sigh, so I am stuck home...I also wish I went to AC w/Chris and them at least, that sounded like fun :O(

So on Saturday, I was rudely awoken when plates started flying in the kitchen and loud voices were exchanged cuz my mom doesn't want my father's brother coming over ("the dirty uncle") cuz he always talks sh*t about my mom and us in general... he only worships his brother and everyone else is worthless. He told my mom the she should work more over-time so my father cud stay home, lol... He totally doesn't understand the concept of a man or a woman. My dirty uncle always blames my mother for putting her husband into debt cuz they bought a house together?!? My uncle is an idiot. I do not let it bother me cuz I feel the same way about him and I do not talk to him...just the basic hi and bye... My uncle is a "deep" Catholic but yet he is divorced and so he is going to hell no matter how many confessions he'll go to, lol. Well, aside from that, my father brought him over anyway, so I just decided to get my taxes done so I went all the way to Elizabeth and took my sweet-ass time. I will get a lot more $$$ back than my parents! I think that my school loan helped, well, kind of. But then I had to go back home...I hate being home, it is like walking on egg-shells. No one else's opinion matters here but my fathers... I looked at some apts in Caldwell, but they are so expensive, a studio apt is $875 + bills....sigh, I guess I keep dreaming and drinking until I get "saved"... I sat in my room all day yesterday cuz I was afraid of starting more "confrontations"...that is how it usually happens, one argument leads to a domino effect and everyone takes it out on the other person...sigh.

So here we are Sunday...and we got a call...my nephew was taken to the emergency room again cuz his eye got infected or something...geeze, having a kid is a terrible "chore" I wish I could just give my brother some financial help so they had more vacations and free time to really rest and relax, they are always on the go it seems like... Especially when you do not have much family to count on... my sister in law always asks when will I get "knocked up" so that my nephew will have someone to play with lol...I think I now understand why...her sister has kids, her cousins all have young kids etc...and I have no one here, no cousins, nothing...I get so sad when I think about that. It makes me feel like I am "non-existent"... it only makes me run in the opposite direction. Even if I got reunited today with my cousins, 16 years, a new way of life from them, really separates us forever...sigh...Life, it is what happens...

So today, we will probably "celebrate" the "holy" union between my parents, (or the lack of it). I lived with my parents ever since I was 8. They always had nasty fights in front of their children, never thinking about, hey! this might affect the little ones!? They never took us places, I feel like we were "neglected" and we were a "chore"... I guess you need to be ready for marriage and children...being 18 and married for 30 years out of religious/cultural-reasons will result in my "parents".... Maybe one day I will be happily married and saved from this... Maybe one freaken day...

I dread Monday...cuz that is when everybody talks about their weekends and I have nothing to contribute. Aakehs took his gf to the city for the weekend. Only Norman doesn't talk about his gf anymore, he said his feelings for her diminished cuz she just is too selfish...geez, and I will have to lie cuz else they'll make me feel bad on how pathetic my life really is... And in two weeks aakesh is taking her to Mexico...My other co-worker went to the Bahamas with her bf who is a security guard at the air port, so she'll be back tomorrow as well. Her bf also works crazy hours but he does everything to change his schedule so he could see her...geeze. Well, now I have to go see my nephew...great my weekends: spending time with a 2 year old and then going to the park alone...this is depressing.